not sleeping

how tired do one has to be before he or she sleeps? I’m awake when I’m asleep. Everything that is going around when I’m sleeping. I’m aware of it.. The TV outside.. the programs on it. The Radio that my sister is listening to.. The phone conversation my bro is having with his friends that he doesn’t want my dad to find out about.. I can hear it all… all of this becomes part of my life even thou I dont want it to be.. I just lay there.. breathing in and out.. with my eyes closed and coved with something to stop the daylight from entering my dreams.. and after 6 hours of just laying there I’ll get up again.. it’s been years since I last felt that I was dreaming about something nice.. but I guess that doesnt’ happen.. not willingly.. I think I’ll wait for a night when I can finally fall a sleep. the question however is.. would I wanna walk up after that..?? I dont know.. I’ll find out when I get to that point.