adding another log…


It’s 2:24AM.. I’m pretty much doing nothin’ just listening to some music that I know will be there in my head when I’m about to take a sleep.. as usual I wont be able to sleep that early again.. thanks to the music in my head.. But I guess it’s better than having all those thoughts that I usually have in my head.. Atleast this way I can have some peace of mind.. there is a movie on the tv.. I’ve seen this one before.. quite honestly I hate this one.. it just sucks.. well.. low budget movie that persues action with aliens.. not my kind of movie.. so.. not really watching it but it’s on.. nothing else is on so this is on.. how was my day today.. I quite honestly can say that it was yet another boring day, except for the part that naweed showed up for a while and we had some good time.. same old me.. chatting with some friends.. trying to create a life in this.. I wonder if it is considered a life.. all of us who like spending time on a computer chatting with people.. I really wonder if it is life.. I know that eventually I’ll get sick of this screen and probably stay off line..

It’s been quite sometime since I talked to sanna.. I guess she is still mad at me.. I wonder how long she will continue.. the unusual part about this fight is that I’m not pissed anymore.. usually I stay pissed for like ages on a subject that i disagree.. but this is a bit different.. I guess maybe I care for her.. or maybe no one else does.. God knows why but it’s the first time..

ah… one of my favorite song is playing.. nice.. I usually listen to a song for so long that I get it fixed in my head and then i stop listening to it for months. Later when I listen to it again.. it feels even better.. hmm… I guess thats my way of preserving something as a beautiful as it was first… if only it was possible with human beings as well.. unfortunaly I can only have memories of the ones that I left behind in my journey.. The worst part of this journey is that I dont know where I’m going… I wish I did.. People say that reading from my poetry.. I give them the feeling of being lost and not willing to find my way.. I guess after staying in the dark for such a long time.. the light hurts.. hmm… too bad it’s not easy ignoring the fact that light is the end result of what I seak from the prison I’m in.. but if thats true then why do I not seek my escape anymore? why I stay here knowing that all these thoughts and all this pain that I’ve carried as a baggage with me from my past is eating me alive from the inside.. quite honestly… even thou I may know the answer… I might not be ready to understand it… I do wonder thou… when I will be ready? when will I be strong enough to finally break these unseen and invisible chains? Again.. I’m not sure.. I guess time will answer that question some day…

a long time ago I read something somewhere… I wanted it to be the motto of my life.. insted it turned out to be completely opposite…

“destiny is not what makes u… it’s something u make.. it’s not something to wait for… it waits to be achieved.”

a long time ago I believed in this.. now… I dont know… maybe I do know but I just dont give a crap about it anymore…

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